On Discoexistence

Discoexistence — The Ability to Survive in the Same Cluster with People You Don’t Get Along With

In our daily lives, whether on social media, at work, or at school, we often find ourselves sharing space with people we don’t particularly get along with. The ability to navigate these situations effectively is what I call Discoexistence (ディスコエグジステンス / “ikenkyozon” in Japanese, meaning “coexistence of differing views”).

Discoexistence

—a blend of

discord

and

coexistence

—denotes the capacity to live together while maintaining appropriate distance in the presence of tension or disagreement.

What is Discoexistence?

Discoexistence is not just about having or lacking connections. It is the ability to coexist within the same cluster while maintaining a psychologically appropriate distance from people you don’t mesh with.

The ability to survive alongside people you don’t get along with

The ability to function within a cluster that includes unpleasant people

A mindset of coexistence that acknowledges others’ existence without resorting to exclusion or conflict

For example, this often occurs when social media relationships change. Suppose A, B, and C were all mutual followers, but A and C unfollow each other. Even if the direct connection disappears, indirect connections remain, requiring careful management of psychological distance. Similar dynamics can appear in situations like divorced co-parents who cannot fully sever contact due to shared responsibilities.

Discoexistence on Social Media

On social media, the design of interpersonal recognition—considering psychological distance, visibility of in-groups vs. out-groups, and posting routines—is crucial. Based on my observations across various networks, I’ve realized that there is a need for mechanisms that allow users to acknowledge people they don’t get along with without muting or blocking them entirely.

For instance, platforms like Bluesky Social, which uses a Twitter-like UI, still lack some of these implementations:

Interaction architecture: How to maintain psychological distance from people who are close but not friendly

A “third button”: A feature that renders posts from people you don’t get along with meaningless, as an alternative to mute or block

Public-space coexistence: Maintaining visibility without encouraging direct interaction, rather than hiding in small closed groups

This is similar to the relationship between the Alliance and Horde in World of Warcraft: they can confront each other, but chat is rendered meaningless. It’s an example of designing spaces that tolerate friction.

Why Discoexistence Matters

Much of the “friction” in both online and offline spaces arises from increasing diversity and conflict as user numbers grow. In a world prone to echo chambers and complaint loops, Discoexistence carries important implications:

Small communities can facilitate natural interactions that leverage the “mood” or atmosphere of the space

Diversity is acknowledged while minimizing direct conflicts

Coexistence with people you don’t get along with encourages the maturation of the community

From a platform design perspective, it’s essential to create environments that naturally facilitate these interactions, rather than relying on users to intentionally intervene.

Discoexistence is not merely tolerance or superficial friendliness. It is the ability to maintain psychological distance and survive within the same cluster alongside people you don’t get along with. Developing this skill is key to healthy community life, both online and offline.

Key Takeaways

“Some people are just not your vibe, but that’s discoexistence.” “Mastering discoexistence is the key to thriving in any community.”

Addendum:

There are two approaches people take when using social networks. One is to accept the presence of Discexistence—the dispersal or consumption of existence—and move along with it. The other is to distance oneself from such elements, diligently maintaining a comfortable state, one’s “usual self,” or an ideal state.

In digital spaces where physicality is scarce and boundaries between self and others are blurred, the latter strategy—protecting one’s own comfort—is a valid, though asymmetric, approach. Trying to accommodate everyone in order to expand the social graph can backfire, creating a “stay out of my head” situation.

Even in such carefully adjusted spaces, gaps remain where Discoexistence can intrude. The resulting discomfort may be greater for those who are not accustomed to engaging with Discoexistence regularly.

The effort to maintain one’s sense of self in these physically thin social networks, and the psychological load imposed by Discoexistence, is like the aldehydes of a hangover imposed on social beings. We dislike it, yet we cannot stop “drinking.”